I’m absolutely loving the comments from last night’s post, and in fact I’m hesitant to write much today for fear that the conversation will stop. If you haven’t yet, please offer up your thoughts on being mostly vegan, or not. I’d love to hear from you.
I fear that the following is going to sound like an opening monologue from “Grey’s Anatomy,” but hear me out for a moment:
When we’re little, we accumulate bruises. We’re rough and tumble and unafraid, and as a result, we fall down and get black and blue all over, as the fairy tales say. As grown ups, we bruise just as easily, but not because of accidents: instead, our bruises take the form of hurt feelings, professional disappointments, and knocks to our ego. Our bruises are the promotions we didn’t get, the business plans that fell through, the arguments with our friends that cut to the quick. We may have taught ourselves to stop falling out of trees and scraping our knees and crashing our tricycles, but we’re no less prone to tender spots. Even if we have a hard time admitting to them.
So maybe I got my term grades yesterday. And maybe they weren’t what I’d hoped for—not after a semester’s worth of all nighters and tutoring and homeworks that took me four hours apiece. Maybe I’ve always attached a lot of importance—too much importance—to my academic performance. Maybe one of my biggest flaws is that I’m prone to measuring my worth in grades, or in professional accomplishments, or by my resume, which is a fairly simplistic way of looking at things.
And maybe, as I sat down to breakfast yesterday morning, I felt a little black and blue all over: insecure, angry at myself, aware that I was being irrational and yet also undeniably and profoundly upset. Maybe I knew in my heart that my performance, given the steep learning curve of returning to school after a long hiatus, was actually fine. Maybe I knew that I’ll have to adjust my ego and expectations if I’m to thrive in this program, and re-learn how to learn, as it were. Maybe I knew that it’s about time I hitched at least a chunk of my self-acceptance to something that’s not a letter grade.
And maybe I soothed the bruise with an appropriately themed smoothie
Black and Blue Smoothie (raw, vegan, GF and soy free)
1 frozen banana
1 cup mixed blueberries and blackberries
4 ice cubes
3/4 cup almond milk
3 tbsp cacao nibs
1 tbsp hemp protein powder
It’s tempting, no matter how old and wise we become, to nurse our wounds for too long. I don’t feel altogether better today, but moping around does me no good, and, given how much of a transition I’ve made this year, I’m actually lucky to have what I have: determination, patient and supportive friends, and a very fun bon voyage party to attend in about five minutes. Not to mention a newly repaired VitaMix.
The bruises will heal fast.