I know what you’re all thinking, so I’ll just say it for you: there is no flattering way to photograph two brown colored bean dips. Fact.

Hopefully, the title of this post is enticing you even as you snicker at the image. Two creamy, super healthy bean dips: black bean chocolate and peanut butter dip, and sweet cinnamon adzuki bean dip. Both are unexpected, yet delightful spins on the notion of “hummus”—sweet variations on the theme. Both present you with a more nutrient dense and lower fat alternative to almond butter or peanut butter, if you’re looking for a new sandwich filling, oat topper, or something to dip fresh fruit in. Both are inexpensive, quick to make, and feature a short list of ingredients. It took me a while to discover sweet bean dips, but now that I have, there’s no going back.

The adzuki bean dip is a close cousin of my recent sweet cinnamon spiced kidney bean spread.

A lot of you loved the idea of this recipe, but to my surprise, a lot of you were put off by the idea of using kidney beans, and said you wanted to try it with either chickpeas or adzuki beans instead. While I do love me some kidney beans—they’re fantastic sources of lots of minerals, including manganese, molybendum, and iron—I also adore most all beans, and adzuki beans are a special favorite. Adzuki beans, which are native to east Asia and the Himalayas, are small, red/brown in color, and they’re often used in sweet, dessert-like applications. More interesting still, these beans are relatively high in zinc (1 serving gives you 25% of your RDA), which is sometimes tricky to source in a vegan diet; oysters, meat, and scallops are often presented as the richest sources, though all vegans should take note that pumpkin seeds, peanuts, crimini mushrooms, sesame seeds, and adzuki beans are all very good sources.

So is dark chocolate. What a burden for us all.

Anyway, I’m delighted to be presenting a very similar recipe to my sweet kidney bean spread, this time with adzuki beans as the main star. This dip is absolutely scrumptious, and I love the addition of sunflower seed butter; if you can get your hands on it, it really does have a different taste than other nut butters!

Cinnamon Spiced Adzuki Bean Dip (vegan, gluten free, soy free)

Serves 4

2 cups adzuki beans, cooked at home or canned
4 pitted dates (more if you want it sweeter), soaked 4+ hours and drained of water
1 heaping tbsp sunflower seed butter (peanut, cashew, or almond butter will also work!)
1 tbsp mellow white miso or 1/8 tsp sea salt
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 cup water

Place all ingredients except for water in a food processor fitted with the “S” blade. Pulse to combine, and then run the motor. Drizzle in water until the dip is super smooth; you may need  a few tablespoons extra water as you go along.

Absolutely delicious. A bit of this on Ezekiel toast or a rice cake with sliced pear is just about my idea of a heavenly snack!

The other sweet bean dip I experimented with this week was a black bean dip with chocolate and peanut butter. I don’t think I need to say much more, do I?

Chocolate Peanut Butter Black Bean Spread (vegan, gluten free, soy free)

Serves 4

2 cups black beans, cooked at home or canned
6 pitted dates (more if you want it sweeter), soaked 4+ hours and drained of water
2 tbsp peanut butter (cashew or almond butter will also work!)
2 heaping tbsp raw cacao
Pinch sea salt
1/4 cup water

Place all ingredients except for water in a food processor fitted with the “S” blade. Pulse to combine, and then run the motor. Drizzle in water until the dip is super smooth; you may need  a few tablespoons extra water as you go along.

I have a slight preference for the cinnamon spread, only because I’m a veritable cinnamon junkie. But this dip is also stupendously tasty, and once again, it’s a really nice way to enjoy something that’s reminiscent of peanut butter, but invested with all of the nutrient density and deliciousness of legumes.

Side by side:

Hope these dips give you all a great sense of the possibilities for bean dip—it’s not just a savory dish!

So, there was lots of interesting feedback on my review of Thrive Foods Direct yesterday! To all of you who expressed hesitation/frustration with the cost: I hear you. As I said in my review, I wouldn’t be able to use the service myself, but I’m presenting it as an option for those who would spend equivalent or more money on hotel food or on a non-vegan meal delivery service. That may not describe many of us, but it does describe some!

To Elizabeth, who inquired about the meal plans presented on the Vega website (you can peek at them here): I agree. Too low calorie, especially when presented for those who are unusually athletic, or in training for a race or competition. To me, “Vega fruit dip (slices of apple, banana, orange), 1/3 serving Natural Vega, 1/3 serving” is a snack, not lunch, so perhaps the meals are meant to be supplemented with other foods! I’d be curious to hear if you get a response to your query. (Edited to add: Brendan responded to this yesterday by mentioning that meals are customizable to suit individual caloric needs; check out yesterday’s post to see his response if you are curios about this!)

And to those of you who asked about lower-cost vegan/raw protein powders and supplements: oh, you are in luck. I have a new protein powder round up post coming soon, full of my take on nutrition, cost, and quality. And that’ll happen as soon as I’m back in DC, with my beloved Vitamix.

Speaking of which, it’s time to meet a friend for a drink at Temple Bar in NYC. It’s good to be home.

xo

I like to think of myself as living proof that eating healthy, plant-based food is possible even within a hectic schedule. I’m a full time post-bacc, premed student, which means I’m doing intensive pre-med courses at breakneck speed. I’m also a food blogger who posts nearly every day. And in addition to all that, I like to spend time with my friends, work out, and do yoga. This leaves little room for leisurely hours spent in the kitchen, but in spite of this, I manage to make a lot of really tasty plant-based dishes each week. I promise you all that eating high raw, vegan food is within your reach, even when life is dragging you down.

Now that I’ve said this, let me make you an equally important promise: I will never lie to you about the fact that eating healthy when life is busy can be really, really hard. We all have limits to what we can do, and it’s helpful to know what those are. Recently, a friend and I were talking about how we’ve both considered buying healthy snack bars for quick mini-meals on the go, but then thought “no, no, I could make something like that myself.” The problem is that something comes up, and we forget to make the snack bars, and then we don’t have any snack bars on hand. Because we don’t have time to pack up something more complex—like hummus and crudites—we skip the snack, and we end up feeling ravenous. I’m sure you’ve been here: it’s the moment when you optimistically think you can do it all yourself, only to realize that you really need a helping hand.

“A helping hand” can be store bought foods, restaurant takeout, or allowing a friend/partner to take over kitchen duties. In my case, during exam week, help came in the form of Thrive Foods Direct, a new, 100% plant-based, whole foods meal delivery started by my friend Brendan. Thrive Foods Direct is meal delivery that reflects Brendan’s own nutritional philosophy. What is what, exactly? Well, if I had to sum it up, it would look like this:

• No common allergens
• 100% plant-based
• Whole foods
• Superfoods inspired (most of Brendan’s bars, protein mixes, and books contain a lot of chia, hemp, and sea veggies)
• Emphasis on the idea of alkaline-forming foods
• High “net gain” foods (foods that give a lot of nutrient density for less caloric cost)

As you can see, Brendan and I share many priorities as health advocates! Namely, we’re both very interested in foods that are nutrient-dense, plant-based, and whole, and we both like to work chia, hemp, coconut water, legumes, and ancient grains into our cooking as often as we can. Given these similarities, and the fact that exams robbed me completely of time in which to prepare dinner entrees for myself, I was the ideal candidate to review Brendan’s new, exciting meal delivery service.

A lot of you have heard about Thrive Foods Direct along the plant-based grapevine, and you’ve asked me about it through Twitter, Facebook, and my comments. Everyone seems to have the same concern, which is “Brendan’s books really emphasize raw food. These dishes seem primarily cooked—is there not enough raw involved?” Well, I can’t answer for Brendan, but I can answer as someone who eats relatively similarly to Brendan: there’s a big difference between the food we eat every day, in the comfort of our own kitchens, and the food we eat when we’re out in the world, keeping busy and moving from one place to another.

When I’m home, I eat higher raw, and the food I eat is fairly simple. It’s a lot of meal sized salads, raw nori rolls, smoothies, raw puddings, raw sandwiches, simple grains, and legumes. When I’m preparing food for company, I tend to focus more on cooked foods and fancy recipes. When I’m traveling, I go with the flow. If it’s vegan and it isn’t deep fried (or egregiously unhealthy), I’ll eat it. Travel, events, and special occasions aren’t just about the food: they’re also about the experiences we accumulate. So I don’t get overly worked up when my food options aren’t precisely in keeping with my likes and dislikes from an ideal world. Instead, I just focus on procuring vegan options, and being appreciative of what I find.

The idea behind Thrive Foods Direct is to provide plant based options for people who are on the road or simply too busy to prepare any food for themselves. If you need to travel for a business conference and you know you won’t have any vegan options, but you will have a mini fridge, TFD is for you. If you’re on tour because you happen to be a musician or an actor or a filmmaker, TFD is for you. If you’re a corporate attorney who is about to face a month of 18 hour work days, and you’re sick of ordering less-than-healthy takeout twice a day, TFD is for you. In a perfect world, we’d all eat more raw greens than what the TFD meal plans offer (though do note that there are raw chia puddings involved). But the whole point of the plans are to help you cope with less than perfect culinary circumstances. And there’s a way to modify the meals so that they do fit into a more ideal paradigm of raw and cooked; you’ll see what I mean in a second.

I received my shipment of TFD in late March. It was perfect timing, as I was heading right into an Orgo exam. I knew, however, that my need for the meals would be more urgent still, so I immediately froze three of the meals, and ate one of them—the roast veggies over brown rice—immediately. How do you think I served it, dear readers?

Why, over greens of course. Lots of them. With avocado on top. That’s how I do!

Seriously, I warmed up my delicious roast veggies and rice, and I plopped the whole dish over raw baby romaine. It was the perfect way to serve it, and it was exactly the kind of meal I’d make for myself on a given weeknight: grains, veggies, greens. The rice and veggies were very tasty and filling.

Last week, during the madness that was finals season, I tried my other three entrees: the eggplant lasagna, the sweet potato with mushroom gravy, and the scrumptious lentil soup. Brendan had mentioned that the lasagna seemed to be most popular:

I can see why: brown rice noodles (note that TFD is gluten free) with eggplant and creamy vegan tomato sauce? It’s comfort food, whole foods vegan style. I think if I had had more time, I would have added either tofu ricotta (a favorite dish of mine), or some cashew cheese, but I honestly didn’t miss either. I served the lasagna with spinach and my red pepper hemp sauce.

A few nights later, I had the sweet potatoes with mushroom gravy. This was more stew than cubed potato dish, but that was A OK with me! I adore sweet potato soup, and the mushroom gravy here was truly delicious:

Not surprisingly, this happened with a big salad of greens, broccoli, and red cabbage. I sprinkled some nutritional yeast on the soup and mixed it in; it was really tasty!

I think my favorite TFD dish was, unexpectedly, the lentil soup, seen here through the lens of Instagram:

I loved this soup, which was abundant enough to give me two night’s worth of food (the other dishes I ate each as a single portion). This was in part because (as you can see) I mixed in some chickpea odds and ends, as well as a big of steamed broccoli. This, too, was served with salad.

So as you can see, if you happen to be someone who is relying on TFD within the confines of your home, you can and should “boost” the entrees with raw or steamed greens/veggies. Brendan is providing the essentials we need to stay energized and healthy: protein from legumes, complex carbs from healthy whole grains, and as many fresh veggies as possible for vitamins, antioxidants, and minerals. But if you have the luxury, as I did, of eating the meals from your kitchen table, do go ahead and mix them with some raw foods, if that’s how you prefer to eat them. If I’d gotten the breakfast dishes, I’d certainly have had them with some raw fruits. If you are eating TFD on the go, rest assured that everything essential is accounted for in these meals, and that you’ll be back to giant salads at home soon enough.

Now, of course I should note that I got to experience TFD free of charge, for blog review. The cost ranges from $45 – $75, depending on which option you choose, and you can opt to have it for 5 or for 7 days per week. I’m well aware that this is not sustainable for a great many of you, but if you’re looking at TFD for a travel option—say, a work trip—keep in mind that it is very easy to spend $45 daily when you travel for work. If you invest the money in these meals, rather than overpriced hotel food or airport food, you’ll also be supporting sustainable, organic, ethically sourced fare, and you’ll be staying true to your taste for plant-based, whole food. You can also order some of these meals, freeze them, and use them when you know you’ll be in a bind for work or for school. This is probably no different, cost-wise, than ordering takeout or using the Whole Foods salad bar as an emergency resource!

And if you are like me, and you try not to spend any excess money on takeout at all, simply tuck the service away as an option for days when you are earning a little more. Also keep in mind that Brendan gives plenty of options for making this kind of food at home in his books, Thrive Foods, Thrive Fitness, and the Thrive Diet. If you want something super simple for busy days, check out any of my posts tagged as “hurry up vegan”—in these, I try to give good options for whole meals on the go!

Of course, I have yet to answer an important question about the foods: how do they taste? The answer is, they taste great! The vegetables and rice were a little bland for my palate, and I ended up sprinkling on some sea salt and oregano. But everything else was perfectly seasoned—some salt, but not salty like most prepared food, and Brendan notes that nearly all of the recipes are either oil free or contain less than 1 tsp added oil—good news for my no/low oil friends in the plant-based community.

Thanks, Brendan, for giving me four nights of nourishing food while I was pulling out my hair and trying to push electrons. It meant the world to me. As an amusing side note, I should tell you all that I promised Brendan I’d take lovely photos for the post. Of course, since I ate the meals at night, for dinner, my lighting was always off, and I ended up with a mix of photos that were just OK, plus Instagram. But I think Brendan would understand that, under busy circumstances, I was doing the best I could. That’s what TFD is all about, and in the case of these meals, “the best you can” will taste very good indeed.

By the way, if you’re looking for some fantastic tips on staying vegetarian/vegan while traveling, my friend Matt just shared 25+ travel tips from notable plant-based eaters–myself included! It’s super helpful, so check it out here. And also check out his review of Thrive Foods Direct, which went up today. Great minds think alike!

xo

It’s unusual for me to focus much on side dishes, but lately, I’ve created quite a few of them! The one that comes to mind most recently is my raw brussels sprouts salad with tangy dijon cider dressing, but my eggplant caprese salad was along the lines of a side/appetizer. I’m a big plate kinda gal at heart, so my focus as a recipe developer is usually on salads that are enormous, or at least easily morphed into a meal-sized recipe, but sometimes it’s nice to think about side dishes, too. My favorite side dishes are always of the vegetable variety, and this fantastic, semi-raw salad of sesame sugar snap pea salad with red cabbage and homemade gomasio fits the bill nicely.

What the heck is gomasio? Well, it’s a traditional Japanese condiment, popular in macrobiotic recipes, that includes unhulled sesame seeds and sea salt. You can purchase it at specialty stores, but I really like to make a “cheater’s” version, either by toasting sesame seeds and mixing them with sea salt and dulse or kelp flakes, or by grinding those three components up in a food processor. Very traditional gomasio is ground in a suribachi (kinda like a mortar and pestle), but I find that food processors and spice mills will do very nicely. And to be honest, I eat the mixture unground more often than grinding it, and it’s every bit as delicious!

I like to toast the sesame seeds in this recipe, but if you’re a stricter raw foodist and want to leave them raw, it’ll still be good. You can serve gomasio over steamed kale or broccoli, on a salad, or on the inside of nori rolls. It’s a great way to add healthy fat to your meals, and it’s also a wonderful means of warming up to sea vegetables, and the essential iodine they provide!

In this particular salad, crunchy gomasio is sprinkled over lightly steamed sugar snap peas and crispy, crunchy red cabbage. With a light dressing of rice wine vinegar and just a touch of sesame, this salad is unbeatable, flavorful, and very healthy. For my low/no oil readers, you can certainly omit the sesame oil, but a little goes a very long way, and even if you add it, the great majority of the fat in this recipe is from whole sesame seeds. Yum.

Sesame Sugar Snap Pea Salad with Red Cabbage and Homemade Gomasio (semi-raw, vegan, gluten free)

Serves 4; you can divide the recipe in half if you like!

4 cups sugar snap peas, washed
1 3/4 cup shredded red cabbage
1 scant tsp sesame oil
2 tbsp rice wine vinegar
2 tsp nama shoyu or tamari

For the gomasio:

1 cup sesame seeds
1 1/2 tsp sea salt (this is in keeping with traditional ratios of seed to salt, but you can absolutely reduce the salt to 1 tsp if you follow a lower sodium diet)
2 tbsp kelp, dulse, or nori granules

1. To make the gomasio, place the sesame seeds in a cast iron skillet or nonstick pan over medium heat. Toast, stirring constantly, for about 8-10 minutes. Remove from heat immediately if they brown quickly!

2. Toss sesame seeds with the salt and the kelp. Pulse in a food processor, or serve as is!

3. To make salad, lightly steam sugar snap peas. Combine them with the cabbage, oil, vinegar, and tamari. Toss gently, divide into four bowls, and sprinkle with a tablespoon or two of gomasio each.

What a lovely, tasty, and easy side dish!

I think this salad would go naturally with any Japanese inspired dish; raw or cooked sushi rolls would be a clear winner here! I’d also love to serve the salad with some brown rice and steamed kale/broccoli, or as an accompaniment to a quinoa dish.

If you’ve never worked with gomasio before, you’re in for a true treat. Enjoy it! And I’ll see you back here tomorrow.

xo

Happy Mother’s Day!!

I should preface this post by saying that my own mother would likely not eat green pancakes. She’s open, alright, but these would be exactly one step above her comfort zone. Mother’s day is, however, a day that always calls to mind breakfast and brunch. When I was still living in NYC, I would commemorate by making my Mom a special brunch or breakfast with some of her favorite baked goods (veganized, of course). And for those of you who are open to green pancakes–or have Moms who are–these are a perfectly healthy and delicious way to celebrate!

The recipe here is pretty much the same as my recent recipe for gluten free, vegan protein pancakes. The only difference is that I blended kale and some Navitas Naturals wheatgrass powder (the only kind of wheatgrass I can handle) into the wet ingredients before adding, and I omitted the hemp protein (these pancakes are already more protein rich than the average pancake due to the almond and chickpea flour, and I had better texture with either greens OR hemp – not both). The dish an ingenious way of getting some green veggie power into a non-smoothie breakfast, and the good news for those who are squeamish about greens is that you can barely taste them!

Green Pancakes (vegan, gluten free, soy free)

Serves 4

Makes 8-10 large pancakes

2/3 cup chickpea flour
1/2 cup almond flour
Dash salt
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 packet stevia or 1 tbsp maple syrup
1/2 cup kale (packed), washed, dried, and chopped
1 tsp Navitas Naturals wheatgrass powder or spirulina (optional)
1 1/4 cups almond milk
1 tbsp flax meal + 4 tbsp warm water

1) Mix together flax meal and warm water, and set aside for a second.

2) Mix together the flours, salt, baking powder, hemp, and stevia (if you’re using dry stevia) in a mixing bowl.

3) Place almond milk, wheatgrass powder (if using), kale, and maple syrup or stevia (if you’re using wet sweetener) into a high speed blender and blend till smooth. Pour this mixture, along with the flax egg, into the dry ingredients, and mix to form a smooth batter.

5) Heat a skillet on medium high. Pour pancakes out by 1/4 cup measurements onto the skillet. When you see bubbles form on top, gingerly flip them, and cook till the bottom is golden brown.

Serve!

Delicious, nutritious, refined sugar free, allergy friendly, and green. What more could a health freak ask for in a pancake!

In case these are just a little too bizarre for you, I thought I’d present a CR vegan pancake round up, for all of the moms and children who deserve them today.

Vegan Carob Chip Pancakes

Vegan Carrot Cake Pancakes

Vegan Buckwheat and Quinoa Pancakes

Vegan Blueberry Pancakes

Vegan Protein Pancakes

Enjoy!!

Doing this round up reminds me that, now that I have a little rest time, I will most definitely be updating my recipe page and my recipage extensively, to cover all the recipes I’ve yet to add this semester. I’ll let you know when I do!

What are you all cooking for the special women in your life today? I’d love to know!

xo

Needless to say, I am abundantly grateful for your comments on my superhero smoothie post. Thank you, CR readers, for inspiring me every day.

I’m here today with a new Green Recovery post. This one is from Meghan, who writes the blog Happy Life: One Gal’s Plunge into the Present. Meghan has a long, long history with both anorexia and bulimia, and she has recently recovered from a serious relapse. Her blog chronicles her journey into self love, recovery, and plant-based eating. I adore Meghan’s courage and optimism in the face of the recovery process, and I appreciate her candor about how difficult recovery has been for her.

Recently, a reader mentioned that she finds the Green Recovery posts to be triggering, because they underscore the fact that she herself is having a hard time recovering, in spite of adopting a plant-based diet and trying very hard. To this reader, I want to say two things:

1) You should absolutely not read any Green Recovery posts if they trigger you! Please. Take the day off from CR, go take a sunlit walk, and do anything but allow yourself to feel poorly because of these posts. As a consumer of blogs, you must know what your boundaries are. I personally implore you not to check in if something threatens your peace of mind.

2) My first bout with disordered eating came when I was 11, going on 12. I did not consider myself “recovered” till my mid-twenties—25 or 26. Though my habits and health had improved a few years before that, it was only at that point that my way of thinking about food really shifted into something beautiful and positive, rather than guilt-laden and fearful.

This is nearly 15 years of an unhealthy, contentious relationship with food and my body. 15 years is a long time, but some people take longer still to recover. For some folks, it happens more quickly. Recovery is a continuum. Eating disorders are serious illnesses, and it is not easy to simply get better because you want to. No matter how long it takes you, no matter how many times you relapse, and no matter how hard you struggle, please do not feel angry or impatient with yourself. If it’s taking a long time, it’s because you’re up against a very powerful foe.

Be good to yourself. You have enough of a fight to contend with without feeling self-loathing because you don’t recover at some specific “rate.” Recovery is a long, winding road, and we all encounter twists, turns, and speed bumps (I had two relapses myself, not to mention many intermittent years of normal weight, but abnormal thoughts about food). I feel no shame or frustration with the fact that my recovery was long and slow; I also am always mindful that relapses can happen to the best of us, and so I treat my recovery with respect and care.

Treat yourself with respect and care, too. Even if you’re still experiencing an ED, that does not mean that you are not working towards a goal of wellness. Appreciate your own courage in trying to get well; in the end, the desire to recover is what makes you a hero in the first place.

And now, for some very similar thoughts about the difficulty of recovery and the importance of appreciating recovery as a fluid process, rather than a cut-and-dry before/after, I present the lovely Meghan.

I have lived with ED for many years. Since I was about 14 years old. ED is a terrible roommate, taking up much valuable space and precious time, and is an active force in dissolving delicate self love. As much as I have fought with ED, ED has also been a source of comfort and release, and has been very hard to let go of. I borrow use of the name ED from a dear friend, who also referred to the unwelcome sidekick in her life in the same way. ED is what I am choosing to call my Eating Disorder. I have suffered from bulimia and bouts of anorexia since my early teens. ED tormented me the worst in high school….and the result made for a fragile young girl sometimes of skin and bones, with not only a terrible relationship with food, but also very ungracious and raw interactions with my family, friends, and with my very own spirit.

Bulimia. That is a word that I used to be so ashamed of saying out loud. But now I use it with ease as it is a part of who I am, was, and will become. It has been a part of my life for so long, and it has taken me up until this point to realize that it is nothing to apologize for. It just is. I remember back when I was first "diagnosed" with my bulimia, it was a word that left waves of uncomfortable silence in its wake. At that time, my mother was desperate to find educational support and medical assistance, but resources were next to nil and for the most part people just didn’t talk about eating disorders. There was such a massive stigma associated with not only the word, but everything that came along with it. Eating disorders, especially bulimia, were considered gross, silly, shallow, and easy to cure. Not so. It can take a real personal bottoming out to act as that catalyst for change…

Flashback

January 25 2011 – ED had been with me for about 16 years on and off by this point, but only really surfaced to knock on my door at the worst of times. I had gotten pretty good and locking the door, latching the deadbolt, and ignoring his pleads for entry. But in January of that year, I was unable to keep him at bay…

I was having a really rough time moving on from my breakup with my ex-fiancé; my relationship issues had a strangle hold over me, and I was feeling not good enough, not smart enough, and just plain blue. I had just recently been discharged from my nine month bankruptcy, but was financially strapped and panicking. My father was not well, recently diagnoses with both Frontotemporal dementia and ALS, and my family was worried. I was starting my life over and felt really alone and completely out of control.

So ED showed up and kicked my ass. I relapsed. Bad. I ended up at the emergency room of St. Joe’s hospital in Toronto, on a morphine IV drip, with a 7 inch long spatula lodged in my esophagus. The pain was excruciating. I was in and out of consciousness. I was there for 24 hours, and after the procedure to remove the blockage, my heart rate was drastically low. My body was in trauma the nurses told me. I was stoned up, and felt like I was living a bad nightmare. The good doctors then pumped me full of electrolytes, fluids, and more pain relievers, and waited for me to rebuild my strength. After hours plugged into the heart rate monitors, a couple of ECGs (electrocardiograms), and some gentle words from my discharging ER doc, I was released.

This was the turning point. I could not, would not, ever, let ED take me down like that again. In all my years battling the disease, I had never gone so far as needing real medical assistance. Even when I hovered at my lowest weights, even as I ruined my tooth enamel through constant vomiting in high school, as my bones were grasping for all the nutrients they could sponge up from the little food I was keeping inside of me…..I had never let it get this bad.

And it will never happen again. Ever.

I am 31 years old now, and do not consider myself fully recovered. I am living a recovered life. My disordered eating has been a part of my world for so long, that I sort of forget what it is like to have a one hundred percent healthy relationship with food. I have spent many years learning all I can about nutrition, have major passion for my time spent in the kitchen, and pride myself in the ability to choose the best fuel for my active body. I am very, and acutely aware of what I consume, and how it makes me feel both physically and mentally. I have long been into the science behind eating healthily, and to that end I have learned a few things that have helped sort out some personal digestive needs, and also what it takes to feel like my optimal self.

In 2009, I adopted a gluten free diet, spent a time eating “in the raw”, and am now thriving as a vegan. Since adopting my vegan way of eating, I have developed an even healthier relationship with food, more confidence in my consumption, and have a spring in my step that has been missing for years. My commitment to fully exploring a plant based diet is totally personal, and I do so for my pleasure, vitality, and overall health. I have been faced with many questions regarding my decision to move towards this “radical” or “extreme” way of eating, as many assume that it is not a healthy choice for those with an eating disordered history.

However, I am quick to defend that, yes, a vegan “diet” is very specific, and yes, there is a lot to think about when getting my nutrition in this way. But, I also know that folks in the vegan community tend to experience fewer bouts with extreme dieting, body image, or food issues. I love knowing that every morsel of food I put into my body is brimming with nutrients and goodness, and adore my time in the kitchen creating complex and delicious meals for myself and my loved ones. I love that now, when I have that satisfied feeling of fullness after dining, that my body recognizes that I am full of fuel, not just food. Right now, this is what is right for me, and I do not make myself crazy. Eating this way feels the most natural and healthy, and that is all that matters.

While my ultimate goal is to someday soon be able to say that I have fully kicked ED to the curb, I am at the same time very grateful to have finally banished most of my self-blame, self pity, and embarrassment about my bulimia. I would be lying if I said I that I never have ED-inspired thoughts at times when my anxiety peaks, my stress levels soar, or when my heart is aching. But, what is real and true, is that I also have quite a few tricks up my sleeve to combat those ideas, and have developed a slew of brilliant ways to cope, and to blot out those false perceptions before they can cause me any harm. I may not yet have sorted out all the root emotional causes for my ED, but the one thing I do know is that being vegan has changed my life in positive whys that I could never have imagined, and it will continue to be a solid tool in my life of recovery.

I hope Meghan’s story makes clear that recovery is a process—an ongoing process that sometimes demands endless patience and energy. All we can do is our best: small strategies for coping and healing, honesty about our triggers and setbacks, and authentic efforts to keep going,e ven when it’s hard. You can’t push yourself to recover overnight, because no one can: EDs don’t happen overnight, and because they’re a part of us, they can’t just be excised out in a week or two. So give it time. But don’t lose faith that recovery is possible, and that you, too, can get there. And you will.

Thank you, Meghan, for speaking up. Everyone here in the CR community is supporting you, every step of the way!

xo

That’s a wrap, guys! As of this evening, the great battle that was my Spring 2012 semester drew to a close. I am so tired, and so relieved.

On Monday, after my Orgo final, I came home at 4 pm only to confront the fact that my biochemistry final would be about 36 hours later. I took a deep break, and quickly assembled a list of things I could do to get myself into the right frame of mind to head back to the library:

1. “Stronger.” Kelly Clarkson. The post-bacc theme song.

2. Yoga Download. 20 minutes to a clearer frame of mind.

3. ESPN’s greatest sports moments of the 20th Century. Does the trick every time. And I don’t even like sports. At all.

4. Calming manatees. A friend just shared this link with me. Just see for yourself.

5. This superfood smoothie.

I have written at length about my feelings on “superfoods,” so I’ll just give you the summary: “superfood” isn’t a regulated term, so there’s a fine line between what is promised by the makers of these foods, and the legitimate benefits of the foods themselves. Nearly all superfoods are antioxidant-rich, but then, so are onions and tomatoes and berries and spinach and dark chocolate, which can be had a little more cheaply. Many superfoods are said to boost libido and energy, but the studies linked to these claims are not always conclusive. So, when all is said and done, it’s smart to think of these foods as splurges that may offer some special benefits, but not as life-saving and vital foodstuffs that you must spend money on, even if you can’t really afford to.

When you can afford to, my favorite superfoods are goji berries, mulberries, cacao, mesquite, hemp seeds, and chia seeds. I use the latter two especially often; you’ll see them in tons of my recipes! But when I have a little extra money to spend on food, I love getting goji berries, too. It took me a while to adjust to the taste, but once I did, I loved it. They’re tremendous sources of antioxidants, and relatively high in protein as well. And they give smoothies this awesome, awesome color.

Pinky orange, and oh so beautiful.

The following recipe is every bit as tasty as it is vibrant, and it’s packed with nutrition. It’s also not overly sweet, which makes it a good afternoon snack: I personally find that super sweet smoothies make me crash in the afternoon. This was exactly the right amount of sweetness, and it fueled me well for the long day and night of study ahead.

The Superhero Superfood Smoothie (raw, vegan, gluten free, soy free)

Serves 1-2, depending on appetite/time of day

1 1/4 cups hemp milk (or your favorite non dairy milk)
1/4 cup goji berries
2 tbsp cacao powder or nibs
2 tbsp hemp seeds
1 tsp chia seeds
1 heaping cup strawberries
1 date, or a few drops stevia

Blend all ingredients on high. Serve in the morning or as a very nutrient dense snack!

So, on that note, this semester comes to an end. I’m sure it’s no surprise that these were a very trying few months for me academically. I struggled terribly in my classes, and I’m still unsure of my fate in terms of grades. Still, I’m moving forward, doing my best, and keeping my fingers crossed.

I try not to vent too much about my post-bacc here on the blog, because I hate looking whiney. Also, I’m waiting for the day when one of my readers says: “wake up. If you choose to go into medicine at the age of 30, there will be a lot more tough academic struggle, a lot more science, and many more challenges. If you can’t take this, then perhaps you aren’t cut out for the future you’ve chosen.”

Or maybe I’m waiting for that comment, because it’s the dialog I often have with myself. I want this path as much as I did when I began, but these classes have made me question whether or not it’s the path that wants me—or rather, whether or not it’s what I’m best suited for. Try though I do, my brain struggles to work in the “hard science” kind of way. I’m getting better, but only in the slowest of baby steps.

That said, I know that pre-med classes are not the final word on whether or not someone is going to be a good physician. It may be that I’ll ultimately need to examine whether or not this is the right path for me. But I don’t think that the Orgo II/Biochem experience should be the catalyst for that moment of self-examination. Much still lies ahead of me, and this is only one—albeit a big—moment of self-doubt. I’m pushing through, both determined to persevere, but also well aware that if I should realize that this isn’t the right path for me, there will be many others, and my years as a post-bacc student will lead me directly to them.

What keeps me going more than anything is the commentary I get on this blog—the support and encouragement and all the incredible, wise, humorous feedback I get from med students and professionals everywhere. So the “superhero” referenced in the title of this post is really many heroes: you guys. You are my heroes. Thank you for giving me a space in which I can be reminded, each day, of why I wanted to become a post-bacc in the first place. I’m so very grateful.

On that note? Nearly 3 weeks vacation starts NOW…with the first good night’s sleep I’ve had in a while.

xo

I wish I could begin this post by telling you all how well my biochem exam went, but I’m afraid it was no better than Orgo. That said, the end is near, and rather than dwelling on the negative (finals), I thought I would focus instead on the positive: I was so busy this year that I forgot my four year quitiversary on April 19th. Hooray!

If you’re new to my blog, here’s the deal: it may surprise you to learn that I smoked for nearly eight years—some of those years as a vegetarian/vegan/”healthy” living enthusiast. The irony! I blogged about quitting not long after I started CR, in this tell-all post. I hope it shows you that even people who care about healthy living struggle with less than ideal habits. No one’s “perfect,” and if blog reading ever gives you that impression, don’t be fooled! Whether on or behind the scenes, health bloggers struggle just as much of all of you do to stay healthy in body and spirit. It takes hard work to treat oneself well, and there are missteps and occasional slips and stumbles along the way. Period.

As you all know, I like to commemorate this day proudly every single year. What’s interesting is that I have new thoughts about it with each celebration. This year, I’m struck by two things:

1) Given the stress of my post-bacc, it amazes me that I haven’t picked up a smoking habit again! The thought crosses my mind, of course, and to be honest, were Georgetown slightly more populated by smokers, I’d be even more tempted. I’ve had a few cigarettes since I quit (as you guys know), but I’ve resisted the urge to go back. And that, given that I’m in a university environment again, is a big deal for me. In fact, one nice thing about the post-bacc is that it has proven to me that I can go through the collegiate experience again without returning to the coping mechanisms I used during my undergrad days: smoking and food restriction. That’s pretty cool, and it is in part a testament to the fact that I’ve found other ways of processing pressure. One of them is writing this blog. So thank you all for listening

2) In all my honest talk about my smoking days, I’ve never once talked about how the habit was tied to my ED. This is because, at the beginning, it wasn’t. That said, you can bet I was petrified of gaining weight when I quit! At the time, I was actually still trying to gain weight from my last relapse, and gaining more slowly than I would have liked. But the idea that quitting smoking might suddenly tip the scale in a way I couldn’t "control" terrified me. I might have quit even sooner had it not been for this fear.

Of course, I did ultimately gain my post-relapse weight, healthily and happily. But I want you all to know that I absolutely did not gain it when or because I quit smoking. I usually don’t like to talk details of my past weight gain or loss on my blog; I find those conversations to be potentially triggering, even when they’re well intentioned and referenced as ancient history, so I leave them be. But this detail is important, because I know that a lot of women out there are scared to quit smoking in part because they fear weight gain.

Yes, the larger point here is that even if you did gain a pound or two, the health benefits of smoking would render it meaningless. Of course that’s true! But fears are irrational, and sometimes they defy self-interest. So I want you all to know that the fear, at least in my experience, was unwarranted. If you’re trying to quit smoking, keep your anxieties about body shape at bay. Quitting is enough of a challenge without these concerns! Focus only on the battle ahead, which is the struggle to kiss an old habit goodbye. You can do this.

In the meantime, a reader asked me recently about foods that contribute to lung health. How apt, given the proximity of my quitiversary! Normally I bake myself a treat or something to celebrate, but this year I thought I’d make my favorite food of all—salad—as a celebration and a response to my reader’s question.

While there are a ton of foods that are known to help aid in cancer prevention on the whole, as well as plenty of foods we know are good for cardiovascular health, we don’t have too much insight into which vegetables in particular are good for lungs. Various studies have shown that beta carotene—the red orange pigment found in sweet potatoes, carrots, and apricots, as well as in spinach—can help in lung cancer prevention. But the story doesn’t end here; when this finding was made public, subsequent studies were done in the mid-90s showing that beta carotene supplementation in high doses actually had no effect—and indeed, may have contributed to—lung cancer related death.

Do not put down your pumpkin; beta carotene is a powerful antioxidant and is an important part of a healthy diet. It’s hard to know why the studies conducted on high levels of supplementation turned out the way they did, but it’s generally true that intense supplementation of a vitamin precursor or a vitamin does not mimic precisely what happens when the vitamin is consumed naturally, through diet. What we do know is that there’s no longer enough conclusive evidence to prove that beta-carotene prevents lung cancer, in spite of some suggestive studies in that direction. Still a good reason to eat apricots and carrots; not enough reason to say with assurance that you’ll never have lung problems because of it.

Some recent studies in the UK have suggested that apples can help contribute to lung health. Great! Apples are delicious, and they’re healthy for many other reasons. We also know that folate, which is found in green, leafy vegetables, may play a large role in cancer prevention generally, though the scenario here is complex, too (recent studies suggest that dosage and timing is important). Finally, walnuts—along with other nut sources of unsaturated fatty acids—may discourage tumor growth in general (NB: most of the data we have on this involved prostate cancer). And ginger—which is famously good for digestion—has been linked to cancer prevention through it’s role in fighting inflammation.

I could go on, and on, and on. There are tons of foods that are being touted as cancer shields nowadays. While plenty of the evidence is positive and sound—yes, antioxidants play a role, as does folate and a diet low in saturated fat—we should always scrutinize the claims carefully and precisely. And then, we should get cooking. Because many of the foods thought to aid in cancer prevention are, if nothing else, packing with micronutrients, positively associated with cardiovascular health, gentle to the planet and kind to animals, and, most of all, very tasty.

This smashing salad contains a few of the ingredients discussed above—apricots, green leafy veggies, unsaturated fats, and apples. I can’t promise that it’s a bulletproof vest for your lungs, dear reader, but I can promise you that it’s about as healthy as any dish gets. And as delicious. The apricot dressing alone makes the recipe worthwhile. Try it, and I hope you love it.

Purple Kale Salad with Creamy Apricot Ginger Dressing, Apples, and Walnuts (raw, vegan, gluten free)

Serves 2-4 as a side dish/appetizer

1 head purple kale, destemmed, chopped, washed, and dried (any variety of kale is fine if you don’t have purple)
6 dried apricots, sliced thinly
1/3 cup walnuts, raw
1 honeycrisp or Fuji apple, sliced thinly

For the creamy apricot ginger dressing (makes at least 2 cups–you can half the recipe if you’re not going to use it up in other salads):

Generous 1/2 cup dried apricots, packed
3/4 inch long knob raw ginger (or 1/2 tsp ginger powder)
1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 cup water
2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
1 tbsp tamari or nama shoyu
2 tbsp avocado or olive oil

1. Blend all dressing ingredients together in a high speed blender.

2. Massage dressing into kale; I can’t say precisely how much you’ll need, because it varies depending on your taste, how many greens you have, and so on, but 2/3-3/4 cup is probably about right? Use your kitchen intuition!

3. Add remaining salad ingredients, either by sprinkling onto the salad, or mixing in. Divide into portions, and serve.

Such a beautiful dish.

Sweet, crunchy, tangy, and tart, all at once. What more can you ask for?

Oh yeah: healthy, too.

I’d serve this salad with a raw sandwich: two slices of any of my raw breads, mixed veggies, and some hummus as the filling. Whole grains of any sort would also be nice alongside, as would a hearty lentil soup!

If you’re out there reading this blog and feeling as though no one in the blog world smokes, and you do, and isn’t that kind of shameful: don’t feel that way. I’ve been there. And it took many years for me to be ready to quit. But once I did, I can promise you that I felt infinitely better and more energetic.

Remember: you can do this. If you need to leave a comment venting about your battle to quit, anonymously or not, please do. We’ll all have encouraging things to say!

Oh, and last but certainly not least: Happy Birthday, Mom

xo

Almost there! Biochem in the morning, and Orgo lab exam on Thursday eve, and then this semester is finally done; good riddance to it. As I study glycolysis and fatty acid oxidation and all of that, I’m simultaneously filling up with the very energy sources I’m reading about: fats, carbs, and proteins, and the sugars and fatty acids and amino acid products they provide. I’ve said before that I try to be sure my meals (be they a simple lunch salad or something more complex) have all three of these macronutrient food groups; if one meal is less well rounded than usual (for example, when I’m in the mood for a primarily nut based raw dish that’s a bit low on the complex carbs), I’ll be mindful to fill up on whatever was missing in another meal.

In other words, you don’t have to obey the protein/carb/fat formula at the expense of your cravings and tastes within each meal, but overall balance is a good goal. And when a meal can serve up all three components at once, so much the better. Most of my smoothies are infused with a little vegan protein (usually a protein powder and/or hemp seeds) and a source of fat (avocado, nut butters, and homemade nut/seed milks are the norm). These things, along with fruit sugar, help to keep me full and energized, and this parsley pineapple smoothie is no exception. What is exceptional is the addition of an herb that we usually associate with savory food; what gives?

Nothing, really. Putting herbs like cilantro and parsley into a blended drink is certainly no weirder than using broccoli—and last week, we established that broccoli can be very delightful in a smoothie!! I’ve also been known to add celery to my smoothies, and leafy greens—spinach and kale and romaine—are a constant.

It took me a relatively long time to get used to green smoothies; my logic was always “I eat greens by the metric ton each day; why should I need to blend them up?” The answer is that, so far as I know, you really can’t get too many greens. So long as you digest them well, more is probably better. I also like the funky color. And if you have a hard time munching on salads all the time, green smoothies are an efficient and easy way to get more greens into your diet without any “ick” factor.

So long as you use only a small handful of parsley in this recipe—I literally used a small fistful—you shouldn’t be able to taste it. Pineapple and banana cover the taste up well, and avocado adds some serious creaminess. If you do like the parsley taste (which I do), go ahead and add some more to the recipe. Parsley is a very good source of folate and Vitamin C, and it’s also rich in flavonoids, which are thought to aid in immunity and disease prevention. Parsley is also a very mild diuretic, so it’s a great thing to juice or blend or chop into salads when you’re “in your moon,” as the yogis say. Or if you’re a little bloated for any other reason.

If you don’t have parsley, try cilantro in this recipe. It’s also fantastic, and goes well with the tropical theme!

Parsley & Pineapple Green Smoothie (vegan, raw, gluten free, soy free)

Serves 1

1 cup pineapple
1/2 small banana
1/4 avocado
2 tbsp hemp protein
1 cup hemp/almond/soy/cashew/rice/coconut milk (+ extra if needed)
1 small fistful parsley
1 small fistful spinach (if the combination of two kinds of leafy green is too much for you, leave this out!)

Blend all ingredients in a high speed blender till smooth. Enjoy!

With that, it’s back to the books I go. Hope this smoothie gets you excited for warm summer days and tropical flavors ahead!

xo

I’m alive!

Over three hours, a two small pots of coffee, and a mechanical pencil later, I’m back from my test. How can I begin to thank you all for the responses to yesterday’s post? Many of you said that you found it touching, but in truth, it is your comments that were (and are) touching. I walked into the final so grateful for you all, and for your advice, which was directly helpful. I tried to just treat the final like an intellectual exercise, without thinking about my grade thus far and the prospect of not passing. It was a hard test, and while I don’t feel good about it—I never do in this class—it did not feel quite as catastrophic as the last test. At this point, I’m grateful for those tiny distinctions.

So now, I wait for the final grade. Please keep sending hopes for a curve my way; even if it were to turn out that I did well on today’s test, my grade for the course is in jeopardy, so I really do appreciate the good karma.

Since I’m totally braindead at this point—and I still have a biochem final in a day and a half and an Orgo lab exam the day after—tonight’s post will be short, sweet, and simple. In these days of heavy studying and focus, my food has been utterly pared down to basics. “Basics,” for me, means not only basic foods, like salads, raw soups, simple grains, and legumes, but also “basic” and time honored recipes. These are dishes that I make often and without practically any thought; they’re second nature to me, and they’re relatively foolproof from the culinary perspective.

The following eggplant and cashew cheese wraps—or pinwheels—are one of my favorite party appetizers. I serve them at nearly every gathering, and they’re always hugely popular. Why wouldn’t they be—they feature my raw basil and sundried tomato “pizza cheese” (a CR classic, not to be missed), roasted eggplant (also a winner), fresh basil, and spicy arugula. You can add oven toasted tomatoes, grilled zucchini, or any other vegetable for extra flavor and variety, and if fresh basil isn’t to be had, defrost some pesto and use it instead. When you’re ready to serve, you can either eat this as a wrap, or you can slice it thin, poke it with toothpicks, and serve it to guests.

The cashew cheese might fool some people. And then you can tell them proudly that it’s 100% plant-based and free of cholesterol; you might also mention that cashews are high in copper, which has been linked to healthy cholesterol levels, too. So this “cheese” is free of the typical health risks we associate with soft cheeses, but it is every bit as tasty. And on top of all of this, it’s kind to animals.

Imagine that.

Eggplant and Arugula Wraps with Tomato Basil Cashew Cheese (vegan, gluten free if you use brown rice or collard leaf wraps, soy free)

Makes 2 large wraps or about 10 pinwheels

1 small eggplant
Coconut oil spray
Sea salt and black pepper to taste
Balsamic vinegar
1 recipe raw Italian "pizza cheese"
1 heaping cup fresh arugula
1/4 cup fresh, thinly sliced basil
2 Ezekiel sprouted grain wraps (or brown rice wraps if you’re GF, or collard green wraps to keep things raw)

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Cut eggplant lengthwise into 1/2 inch thick slices. Lay them onto a baking sheet lined with tin foil. Spray with coconut oil, drizzle or brush with balsamic vinegar, and sprinkle with salt and pepper, all to taste. Bake for about 15-20 minutes, or until very tender.

2. Meanwhile, spread about 1/4- 1/3 cup of the cashew cheese onto each wrap. When the eggplant is done, top the cashew cheese with a few slices.

Top that off with 1/2 the arugula and basil per wrap, and roll the wrap up.

If you’re going to serve this dish as an appetizer, slice it into about 5-6 pinwheels. If not, tuck wrap ends in, cut in half, and serve!

A colorful wrap with quite a few interesting and delicious textures. Plus, healthy fats, healthy whole, sprouted grains, and of course, some fresh greens. Good things do come in small packages.

If you’re interested in rawifying the dish, you can definitely use collard leaves. And eggplant bacon would make it 100% raw! Here’s a vintage CR shot:

Also very tasty.

Incidentally, the wraps above are featured in Victoria Moran’s new book, Main Street Vegan. I quoted Victoria in yesterday’s post, and many of you liked what she had to say. If you’re in the DC area, check out her reading this Thursday at 8 pm at Busboys and Poets! I’ll be finishing an exam, but I definitely recommend catching Victoria live. She’s lovely, and I’m sorry to miss the talk.

As for everything we spoke of yesterday: all I can say is that I’m so lucky to be a part of this online community. Thank you all for reminding me of my value, and for pointing out (and it’s a crucial fact to keep in mind when one is trying to get into med school) that no matter how the dice rolls, I will have find a way to pursue my passions that is rewarding and helpful to others. There are lots of avenues, and time will tell which one is best.

I hope that I remind you all of how valuable you are—body, mind, and spirit—with every single post I write!

xo

At the end of this month, it will officially be a year since I moved from NYC to Washington, DC. In the year I’ve been here, one of my favorite activities has been to explore the city’s wonderful and varied yoga scene.

Like many yogis, I call one studio “home”: that’s Laughing Lotus in NYC, mostly because it’s where I learned—in fits and starts—to appreciate yoga. No trip to NYC is complete without many, many early subway rides to 19th street, where I’m welcomed back to Laughing Lotus with the familiar smell of Bengal Spice tea and the sight of electric pink walls. I have, however, been pleasantly surprised by how varied and excellent the yoga studios in DC are. I have a “home” studio here, too, which is Down Dog in Georgetown (full review here), but I’ve also tried classes at Tranquil Space and Yoga District. This week, I made my first trip to Flow Yoga in Logan Circle.

Last summer, as you surely gathered, was bumpy. The combined stress of moving, changing careers dramatically, and being put through the ringer of 2 semesters of general chemistry in 10 weeks was a little more than I could handle, and the result was a lot of tears, both private and public. I cried on the D6 bus, in various Georgetown University restrooms, and—most often—in yoga classes. I’ve always thought that the yoga studio is a good place to allow oneself to feel things, but I had never before spent so much time getting verklempt on the mat.

On one particularly tearful day, I decided to lift my spirits by wandering into a 90 minute class at Down Dog with Shawn Parrell. I was grateful to be at Down Dog that day, where sweat runs down one’s body so profusely that no one would ever notice a few tears. At some point during dancer pose, though, I got the feeling that Shawn sensed my glum mood. She walked over to me and pressed her palm against the palm of my extended hand, and she held it there as she glanced at me compassionately for the remainder of the pose.

Yoga teachers touch so many lives each and every day that they often must forget about the impact of a single glance, adjustment, or kind word. I, however, have not forgotten what a little empathy, communicated only through eye contact and touch, meant to me that day. So it was with great excitement that I decided to check out Shawn’s class again this week with my good friend Dasha—only this time, it was at Flow Yoga, and not at Down Dog. (Shawn teaches at both studios, but more regularly at Flow.)

I’ve heard Flow Yoga compared to Laughing Lotus in terms of style and variety, so I was of course very excited to experience it. Now that I’ve been, I’d actually maintain that the DC studio most like Laughing Lotus is probably Tranquil Space (which I love). That said, Flow is lovely in its own right: it’s one of the most “zen” feeling studios I’ve ever been to. The interior of the entrance area features cozy window seats and fresh tea brewing. The studio is tucked into a townhouse, so you feel as though you’re entering a private, secluded space. And the staff members are insanely friendly: as soon as I entered, they coached me painlessly and enthusiastically through the sign up process.

One of Flow’s strength’s is the variety and volume of its class offerings—85 classes or so per week. Many of them are early classes, which I love. I’m always bummed out when a yoga studio doesn’t offer classes until 9 or 10 AM, which is well past my my preferred (and logistically possible) morning exercise hours. The classes themselves are also varied: everything from astanga to restorative yoga to vinyasa flow. A vinyasa lover myself, I checked out the hour long vinyasa flow class, level 1.5. I’m usually a level 2 person, but I like taking levels 1 and 1.5, too, because they force me to work on alignment and posture (rather than a speedy flow and lots of inversion work).

Our studio was calm and quiet, and a slight breeze from an open window was welcome. If I have any criticism of the studio, it’s that we were set up with mats facing each other (in other words, both halves of the room were facing toward the center of the room, so half of us looked at the other half); this was a little new to me. But I liked the “feel” of the studio, and I loved Shawn’s selection of music. After practicing at a no music studio for a year, the music was very welcome!

The class was exactly what I needed: it was elegant, with lots of “slow flow” moments, which is a welcome change from the breakneck pace and crazy heat of Down Dog. That said, the class was often challenging: Shawn had us hold several poses for a long time (including several whole minutes in a low shiva squat—yikes! feel the burn!), and she had us do some very effective ab work at the end of class. I felt it the next day, for sure. It was also nice to experience a different sequence of poses than what I’m used to; trying new studios is always healthy for that reason.

As usual, Shawn was a soothing, insightful, challenging-yet-warm instructor. Toward the end of class, she decided to tug at everyone’s heart strings by reading from Margery Williams’ The Velveteen Rabbit: not your usual Sanskrit or Mahabharata, but incredibly relevant and poignant nonetheless.

“What is REAL?" asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day…"Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn’t how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It’s a thing that happens to you. When [someone] loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn’t happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand… once you are Real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

This quote got me thinking about relationships and imperfection. It reminded me of a quote I recently discovered from the lovely Victoria Moran, whose book, Main Street Vegan, will be reviewed very soon on the blog. She says:

"To the people who love you, you are beautiful already. This is not because they’re blind to your shortcomings but because they so clearly see your soul. Your shortcomings then dim by comparison. The people who care about you are willing to let you be imperfect and beautiful, too."

Like many people, I spent the early years of my love/dating life trying to make myself more loveable, which to me meant trying to eliminate flaws. No matter how many times we’re told that people who really love you love the flaws and imperfections, too, it is not a lesson that comes easily, least of all to us perfectionist type like me. And love—be it familial, platonic, or romantic—entails confronting one’s own imperfections very often. To quote Jonathan Franzen (whose anti-technology tirades annoy me lately, but I still appreciate much of what he has to say):

The simple fact of the matter is that trying to be perfectly likable is incompatible with loving relationships. Sooner or later, for example, you’re going to find yourself in a hideous, screaming fight, and you’ll hear coming out of your mouth things that you yourself don’t like at all, things that shatter your self-image as a fair, kind, cool, attractive, in-control, funny, likable person. Something realer than likability has come out in you, and suddenly you’re having an actual life.

This “actual life” sounds a lot like some of what Williams is talking about when she talks about “becoming real”—in her story, being threadbare and “ugly” may be a metaphor for the foibles that Franzen is talking about when he talks about showing one’s own true (and flawed) self to another person. But in both cases, the upshot—to allow yourself to be fully known and appreciated—makes the risks and discomfort worth it.

OK, so this may feel like a slightly oblique topic for Choosing Raw. But I don’t think it is, at least not insofar as many of my readers are perfectionists too, if in no other arena than in trying to eat “perfectly” and have the “perfect” body. Two weeks ago, we had a very good conversation here about the danger of body molds, be they fitness-oriented or size-oriented. Today, I thought it would be good to remind everyone (myself included) that self-acceptance is not only a matter of shape, which is the usual focus of food/fitness blogs. It’s also a matter of appreciating one’s own character, weaknesses, faults, and mistakes included; it’s a matter of learning to recognize, but quickly move on from, regret. That’s being “real.”

If you’re a DC resident, do give Flow Yoga a visit. You’ll enjoy the peaceful environment, the compassionate instruction, and the practical advantages of a huge range of class offerings.

And the complimentary tea is pretty great, too.

Speaking of imperfection: I am a very imperfect organic chemistry student. I am, in fact, failing the class. The final is tomorrow at 12:30 pm; I’d be super grateful if you guys could send some good luck—or rather, “hope there’s a curve”—wishes my way!

xo