Comments on: How to Deal With Unwanted Body Commentary http://www.choosingraw.com/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-body-commentary/ A Celebration of Vegan and Raw Food Wed, 08 Feb 2012 17:20:57 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: Paige http://www.choosingraw.com/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-body-commentary/comment-page-1/#comment-59768 Paige Mon, 18 Jul 2011 21:16:27 +0000 http://www.choosingraw.com/?p=4387#comment-59768 Very nice post! This brought up lots of feelings and thoughts for me. Growing up, I was overweight and my whole family liked to focus on it, commenting on what I ate at dinner, how much I had, whether I was doing good or doing bad. that launched me right into a big eating disorder that has lasted over 20 years until just recently. I lost most of my excess weight in my late teens and have kept it off except for about 30 lbs that i yo-yo'd up and down with for the next 20 years-hating myself for. I recently visited relatives that havent seen me in awhile and noticed that just like childhood, at 41, they still feel the need to let me know if I'm doing okay with my weight or not. I got a lot of. "looks like you're keeping your weight off." remarks. While I'm sure they think this is a compliment to me, and that i just relish hearing this, it actually makes me VERY uncomfortable. It reminds me that they all still feel like my weight and body are open to criticism or praise. Have we ever discussed THEIR weight gains or losses? No. But it's still necessary to check in and see if ole Paige has "put the weight back on." I still have a lot of work to do when it comes to these remarks. I say thank you, but stew for a long time afterwards, feeling like I'm still trapped in my childhood, unable to speak my real feelings. I also have a friend who would mentions often how she'd like to lose weight, but she never follows through with her intentions. This is okay with me, she can eat whatever she likes. But, if I mention that I'm trying to be healthier, she makes comments like, "Oh Please! you look fine." or uses sarcasm like, "yeah right, you're a real fatty!" I don't say anything, but those remarks also make me angry. She never sees that I am trying to focus on being healthier, it's not all about my physical appearance and wanting to look "hot" as so many people seem obsessed with. So, I can never share any of my goals regarding eating habits or lifestyle changes with her. I guess I still have a long way to go before I can hear these kinds of things and be alright with them! Very nice post! This brought up lots of feelings and thoughts for me. Growing up, I was overweight and my whole family liked to focus on it, commenting on what I ate at dinner, how much I had, whether I was doing good or doing bad. that launched me right into a big eating disorder that has lasted over 20 years until just recently. I lost most of my excess weight in my late teens and have kept it off except for about 30 lbs that i yo-yo’d up and down with for the next 20 years-hating myself for. I recently visited relatives that havent seen me in awhile and noticed that just like childhood, at 41, they still feel the need to let me know if I’m doing okay with my weight or not. I got a lot of. “looks like you’re keeping your weight off.” remarks. While I’m sure they think this is a compliment to me, and that i just relish hearing this, it actually makes me VERY uncomfortable. It reminds me that they all still feel like my weight and body are open to criticism or praise. Have we ever discussed THEIR weight gains or losses? No. But it’s still necessary to check in and see if ole Paige has “put the weight back on.” I still have a lot of work to do when it comes to these remarks. I say thank you, but stew for a long time afterwards, feeling like I’m still trapped in my childhood, unable to speak my real feelings. I also have a friend who would mentions often how she’d like to lose weight, but she never follows through with her intentions. This is okay with me, she can eat whatever she likes. But, if I mention that I’m trying to be healthier, she makes comments like, “Oh Please! you look fine.” or uses sarcasm like, “yeah right, you’re a real fatty!” I don’t say anything, but those remarks also make me angry. She never sees that I am trying to focus on being healthier, it’s not all about my physical appearance and wanting to look “hot” as so many people seem obsessed with. So, I can never share any of my goals regarding eating habits or lifestyle changes with her. I guess I still have a long way to go before I can hear these kinds of things and be alright with them!

]]> By: sui http://www.choosingraw.com/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-body-commentary/comment-page-1/#comment-47795 sui Tue, 21 Sep 2010 16:46:54 +0000 http://www.choosingraw.com/?p=4387#comment-47795 I COMPLETELY agree! I'm writing a post right now along the lines of this... someone told me I lost weight last night and I didn't feel complimented, I actually became a little upset! I COMPLETELY agree! I’m writing a post right now along the lines of this… someone told me I lost weight last night and I didn’t feel complimented, I actually became a little upset!

]]> By: Eleanor http://www.choosingraw.com/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-body-commentary/comment-page-1/#comment-47041 Eleanor Wed, 01 Sep 2010 20:59:14 +0000 http://www.choosingraw.com/?p=4387#comment-47041 I've only just seen this post but wanted to say thank you for it :) I agree with what you say in that I can't see how that ever would have been an appropriate comment to make although I'm sure she didn't mean anything hurtful... It's like when people at work tell me the reason I'm cold (with the Arctic air conditioning on!) is "because you're so thin". These are colleagues not friends - how would anyone like it if I told them they were hot "because you're so fat"! Grrr. I think that, unless you're close to the person and have a good reason for saying it, comments about people's weight are out! Thank you again :) I’ve only just seen this post but wanted to say thank you for it :)
I agree with what you say in that I can’t see how that ever would have been an appropriate comment to make although I’m sure she didn’t mean anything hurtful…

It’s like when people at work tell me the reason I’m cold (with the Arctic air conditioning on!) is “because you’re so thin”.
These are colleagues not friends – how would anyone like it if I told them they were hot “because you’re so fat”! Grrr. I think that, unless you’re close to the person and have a good reason for saying it, comments about people’s weight are out!

Thank you again :)

]]> By: Megan http://www.choosingraw.com/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-body-commentary/comment-page-1/#comment-44667 Megan Fri, 02 Jul 2010 20:33:49 +0000 http://www.choosingraw.com/?p=4387#comment-44667 Very interesting post. So appropriate to my every day life!!! I have had a statement like yours on the tip of my tongue for quite some time now, but just had not yet formulated the words (about commenting on one's body). I get a lot of comments, for what feels like a daily basis (I lost track when I was little). I REALLY don't like it. I used to have an eating disorder and took all comments to heart. While all/most comments I hear in present time are always intended to be positive, I still do not like them. I like that you mentioned the teacher you had who said she would not respond to compliments or comments about her appearance. I think I want to follow in her shoes. It's true, any attention to my appearance makes me VERY uncomfortable. I've recently committed (COMMITTED!!!) to running. In the past I've had flings with it, giving it up shortly thereafter. But with my recent runs, my body has been changing. People feel it's their obligation to comment on this. Woman at work for example, "My GOD are you losing MORE weight!?" Ummm I guess. I don't know, I don't care to know. I just feel good. Does it matter any more than that? Actually, to make a lengthy comment lengthier, these comments make me so uncomfortable sometimes to a point of self sabotage! I'm trying to work on this, I'm doing pretty well with progress...but still, people comment on ____________ that sometimes I will literally go home and eat things that I know will take away my "glow" and make me puffy and ugly. It's an interesting pickle to be in for sure. I'm glad you've touched on this, and furthermore, I'm glad I found your blog thanks to a google search for fresh juice recipes today!!! :) So thanks again!!! Love, -Megan Very interesting post. So appropriate to my every day life!!! I have had a statement like yours on the tip of my tongue for quite some time now, but just had not yet formulated the words (about commenting on one’s body).

I get a lot of comments, for what feels like a daily basis (I lost track when I was little). I REALLY don’t like it. I used to have an eating disorder and took all comments to heart.

While all/most comments I hear in present time are always intended to be positive, I still do not like them. I like that you mentioned the teacher you had who said she would not respond to compliments or comments about her appearance. I think I want to follow in her shoes. It’s true, any attention to my appearance makes me VERY uncomfortable.

I’ve recently committed (COMMITTED!!!) to running. In the past I’ve had flings with it, giving it up shortly thereafter. But with my recent runs, my body has been changing. People feel it’s their obligation to comment on this. Woman at work for example, “My GOD are you losing MORE weight!?” Ummm I guess. I don’t know, I don’t care to know. I just feel good. Does it matter any more than that?

Actually, to make a lengthy comment lengthier, these comments make me so uncomfortable sometimes to a point of self sabotage! I’m trying to work on this, I’m doing pretty well with progress…but still, people comment on ____________ that sometimes I will literally go home and eat things that I know will take away my “glow” and make me puffy and ugly.

It’s an interesting pickle to be in for sure. I’m glad you’ve touched on this, and furthermore, I’m glad I found your blog thanks to a google search for fresh juice recipes today!!! :)

So thanks again!!!

Love,
-Megan

]]> By: Care For Some Egg Whites With Your Veganism? http://www.choosingraw.com/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-body-commentary/comment-page-1/#comment-44413 Care For Some Egg Whites With Your Veganism? Mon, 28 Jun 2010 03:09:30 +0000 http://www.choosingraw.com/?p=4387#comment-44413 [...] first jog in over two long months. Hooray for the recession of tendonitis! I ran just under two miles in about thirty minutes, and I think a few octogenarians passed me [...] [...] first jog in over two long months. Hooray for the recession of tendonitis! I ran just under two miles in about thirty minutes, and I think a few octogenarians passed me [...]

]]> By: Kate http://www.choosingraw.com/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-body-commentary/comment-page-1/#comment-43474 Kate Sat, 05 Jun 2010 19:12:38 +0000 http://www.choosingraw.com/?p=4387#comment-43474 I would say that a person that was waiting could politely make it clear that they would like to use the elevator by asking, instead of rudely cutting ahead, slamming the button, and pushing their way onto the elevator and then making snotty remarks about it. Then there would be no need to get annoyed about anything. Manners are multi-cultural, and mothers with very young children in a mall usually have their full attention taken up by them, rather than people around them. It only takes a second to say "excuse me". I do agree that that little episode could very well have had nothing to do with the headscarf, but rather the pushy lady's own lack of manners. (sorry for the late response!) (also, bravo on speaking up about the legs comment!) I would say that a person that was waiting could politely make it clear that they would like to use the elevator by asking, instead of rudely cutting ahead, slamming the button, and pushing their way onto the elevator and then making snotty remarks about it. Then there would be no need to get annoyed about anything.

Manners are multi-cultural, and mothers with very young children in a mall usually have their full attention taken up by them, rather than people around them. It only takes a second to say “excuse me”.

I do agree that that little episode could very well have had nothing to do with the headscarf, but rather the pushy lady’s own lack of manners.

(sorry for the late response!)

(also, bravo on speaking up about the legs comment!)

]]> By: gwen http://www.choosingraw.com/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-body-commentary/comment-page-1/#comment-43348 gwen Tue, 01 Jun 2010 10:05:57 +0000 http://www.choosingraw.com/?p=4387#comment-43348 I agree: I don't like being reminded how closely other people are paying attention to my weight. I really applaud the original post: how definitive and polite a response to that situation. In my family visits are always marked by tons of praise for anyone who's lost weight due to any circumstances (for example, depression => skipping meals => weight loss => praise), and there is serious shame associated with gaining anything back (my young cousin opted out of thanksgiving with the family because she was mortified by regaining a small portion of the weight she had lost). I agree: I don’t like being reminded how closely other people are paying attention to my weight. I really applaud the original post: how definitive and polite a response to that situation.

In my family visits are always marked by tons of praise for anyone who’s lost weight due to any circumstances (for example, depression => skipping meals => weight loss => praise), and there is serious shame associated with gaining anything back (my young cousin opted out of thanksgiving with the family because she was mortified by regaining a small portion of the weight she had lost).

]]> By: Melissa @ TryingToHeal http://www.choosingraw.com/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-body-commentary/comment-page-1/#comment-43267 Melissa @ TryingToHeal Sat, 29 May 2010 18:48:50 +0000 http://www.choosingraw.com/?p=4387#comment-43267 This is an amazing post Gena. I love the response you gave and i really need to think about how to respond when people comment about my physical self (which sadly is very often). i like that you use the comment as a way to challenge your relationship with yourself. that's a very interesting concept and i plan on using it next time i (might) have a hard time with someone's comment! <3 you sweetie! This is an amazing post Gena. I love the response you gave and i really need to think about how to respond when people comment about my physical self (which sadly is very often). i like that you use the comment as a way to challenge your relationship with yourself. that’s a very interesting concept and i plan on using it next time i (might) have a hard time with someone’s comment!

<3 you sweetie!

]]> By: Rachel Wilkerson http://www.choosingraw.com/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-body-commentary/comment-page-1/#comment-43069 Rachel Wilkerson Mon, 24 May 2010 12:48:30 +0000 http://www.choosingraw.com/?p=4387#comment-43069 I think most people genuinely have no idea how their comments -- even ones meant as compliments -- can affect a woman! I love "Please don't ever comment on my appearance again." I think that's a great thing to say...I wish I had said that when people talked about my body. I will going forward! Great post!! I think most people genuinely have no idea how their comments — even ones meant as compliments — can affect a woman! I love “Please don’t ever comment on my appearance again.” I think that’s a great thing to say…I wish I had said that when people talked about my body. I will going forward! Great post!!

]]> By: jessica http://www.choosingraw.com/how-to-deal-with-unwanted-body-commentary/comment-page-1/#comment-43035 jessica Sat, 22 May 2010 23:28:11 +0000 http://www.choosingraw.com/?p=4387#comment-43035 Most people are pretty careful and sensitive when it comes to commenting on a person's appearance if they are on the heavy side however they don't always realize that commenting on how thin a person looks can be just a hurtful. I'm at a healthy weight and love my active body but I've have people say things like: "you're soooo tiny", "look at the bones in your chest" or "you have a lean boy body". Those aren't compliments and I don't like hearing them anymore than I would like to hear that I look fat. I think it's best not to share such observations and really why do we need to have so many opinions on other people's bodies anyway? Most people are pretty careful and sensitive when it comes to commenting on a person’s appearance if they are on the heavy side however they don’t always realize that commenting on how thin a person looks can be just a hurtful. I’m at a healthy weight and love my active body but I’ve have people say things like: “you’re soooo tiny”, “look at the bones in your chest” or “you have a lean boy body”. Those aren’t compliments and I don’t like hearing them anymore than I would like to hear that I look fat. I think it’s best not to share such observations and really why do we need to have so many opinions on other people’s bodies anyway?

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